Watching VH1

Recaps galore! There are new episodes of Rock of Love, Hogan Knows Best, and Scott Baio is 45…and Single this week on VH1 CelebReality. WatchingVH1.com is happy to bring you the first recaps available of these new episodes. My commentary about the shows will be up later on the WatchingVH1 MySpace Page. For now, check out the full episode recaps after the jump.

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Rock of Love–

Last week, the girls had naturally divided themselves into two different cliques within the house and tempers flared between the groups. The “A-Team” or “Varsity Squad” as they call themselves, tried to get Erin eliminated, but it didn’t work.

We start out this week with Heather telling us about the division in the house and naming who is in each group. Big John comes in during breakfast and gives them a note from Bret. Kristia is excited because it seems to be a motocross challenge and she loves all types of “cross” sports.

Bret rolls up on his motocross bike and telling the girls he needs a woman who also loves riding. He introduces them to two women racers who will teach them how to ride. They ooh and ahh over the Fox gear and Magdalena’s head is too big to fit in the helmet and laughed so hard she peed herself.

The instructors show them how to sit on the bike and make it go. Mia easily rides around and Bret tells Lacey she’s doing well and there is something hot about her. Dallas just wants to go fast and Bret calls her a crazy woman. She wins Bret’s prize for craziest motorcycle rider ever. He’s afraid she’s going to die as she about takes out some camera men.

Magdalena will head the pink team, Erin will captain the purple team, and Heather heads up the blue team. Erin ends up having to choose between Dallas and Brandi C. and eventually hems and haws out that she’ll take Brandi. The teams end up being Magdalena, Rodeo, Sam, and Brandi M. for pink, Erin, Jes, Mia, and Brandi C. for purple, and Heather, Lacey, Kristia, and Dallas on blue. They will compete in a 4 lap relay race around a motocross course and the winners get the date with Bret.

The first round is Brandi M. vs. Jes vs. Lacey. Lacey face plants pretty early and has trouble getting going again. Her bike is dead and Dallas is pissed off. Bret’s trying to yell instructions to her on how to start her bike again. She can’t figure it out and so Heather runs out to help her restart it. They finally get it, but she is way behind. The purple team has a slight lead and Brandi C. hops on the bike for the purple team. Sam hops on the pink bike. Eventually Kristia gets on the blue bike and goes about as fast as I can walk. The teams are all very close and Heather got her team back in the race. Dallas hops on the bike and takes off at a pretty huge speed. She hits a bump and flies off the bike. Bret and Heather think she’s dead and run out there. Lacey thinks it’s funny. She gets up and says she thinks she broke her tailbone, but she gets back on the bike and still wants to win. She pops a wheelie and falls off again. Mia has a slight lead over Rodeo, who catches up and takes the lead. She is spurred on by seeing Bret at the finish line and they win the trophy and the date. Magdalena and Sam get the date that night and then Rodeo and Wildthing will have their date the next day.

The girls get back in the limo and they start getting liquored up. Lacey immediately starts in on Dallas, but Dallas brings up the fact that Bret often wears animals and Lacey is a hypocrite. There is much yelling and some beeped out subtitles. Sam makes Dallas promise she’s not going to punch Lacey. Lacey goes and puts on her I love PETA t-shirt and Dallas starts putting on everyone’s “dead animal” gear to rub it into Lacey. Lacey is not impressed and gets in Dallas’s face telling her she has to listen and some pushing happens.

Lacey keeps baiting Dallas and is trying to get her to hit her. She tells Dallas she’s a waste of sperm and egg. Dallas tries to get away from her because she know she will hit her and get thrown out. That’s Lacey’s strategy. Dallas gives her a good shove into the bar and Lacey continues to get in Dallas’s face. Rodeo tries to get Lacey off of Dallas, and eventually pulls her off of Dallas and pins her down on the stairs so Dallas can get away. Lacey says Dallas is lucky she got away this time, but she’s not giving up.

Bret comes by to pick up Sam and Magdalena for their date. The girls decided they wanted to go on a date that would help them get to know him better. He takes them out back and he set up a screen and played home videos and pictures of Bret. Sam tells Bret about her love of music and what it is in her life. Bret says he feels a connection with Sam. Magdalena has no idea what they are talking about with the music. She immediately tells him that she isn’t a fan of his music, and for some reason that turns him on. Magdalena knows that Sam has that connection, so she turns up the sexy which makes Sam uncomfortable. Bret tells her it’s just a kiss and that offends Sam. Sam and Bret kiss and for some reason this starts a conversations of orgasms. This, of course, makes Bret want more. Sam explains she can’t get with him because she doesn’t know who will be in his bed next. So when the date ends, Bret is alone and horny.

The next day everyone is out by the pool when Big John brings in the note from Bret. Rodeo gets excited because they are going to be in the sun and wants to see him without his shirt on. Bret swings by to pick them up in the limo. Bret gets an earful of what happened with Lacey and Dallas and how Rodeo had to restrain her. Bret takes the ladies to get swimsuits made for them. Bret gets excited as they try on suits and explains he has to get up in there to make sure they are comfortable.

Meanwhile, the “A-Team” is drawing pictures of the other girls in their house and hanging them on the “wall of shame”. They are so Jr. High. At the date, Bret and the ladies are having lunch while Rodeo just rambles on and on. Brandi M. is having a hard time getting in any talking time. Bret says it was a great time and he learned a lot about both of them.

Bret has to eliminate 2 girls so he takes some of them aside to try to decide who to get rid of. He takes Kristia aside first and they talk a bit, but Bret says he didn’t really feel that connection, but he thinks she’s hot. Sam makes him look in her eyes instead of body. Brandi C. makes out a lot. Erin reaffirms she’s not there for TV. Lacey immediately starts defending herself, and he brings Dallas out to join them. It just turns into a crazy fight again with Lacey talking a mile a minute and Dallas calming saying she isn’t there to date Lacey. Bret is torn because he likes to hunt and eat meat and is afraid Lacey is crazy, but he hasn’t connected with Dallas at all. He just knows they both can’t stay.

Lacey wants Dallas to go home and of course Dallas says she’d be disappointed if she has to leave. Kristia is nervous because she hasn’t gotten to know Bret as well as some of the others and Sam is worried because she hesitated to kiss him. Bret comes in with Big John with the passes. Brandi M. is safe, Jes, Heather, Rodeo, Brandi C., Erin, Mia, Magdalena, and Sam are all safe. He tells Kristia she is going home first and that they didn’t connect. Brandi C. is really upset. Lacey knows she is safe by Bret’s speech and gets her pass. Kristia comes down and says goodbye while Brandi C. cries. Dallas gets called down and she just walks out without saying goodbye. Lacey tells her not to shoot any puppies on the way out. Bret thinks Dallas was classless for leaving without thanking him.

Lacey promises to keep picking off the others one by one until they are all gone. Next week, it’s one big party and Lacey ends up with Bret in his room after the party, which makes Sam upset and wants to go home. Rodeo has a breakdown and Bret comforts her.

Hogan Knows Best–

Well, apparently all of the marital problems were solved in last week’s half hour show, so this week we’re moving on to finding Brooke a bodyguard to travel with her as she tours. They start out in the studio all together and they put Hulk in the booth and he does a voice over for Brooke’s song. They tell her she can’t drive home that late so they will send someone over to get her later.

The next day, Linda is looking at Nick’s racing schedule and figures out that it conflicts with Brooke’s schedule. Hulk has to work, so they try to figure out who will go with Brooke to her shows. They decide to hire her a bodyguard.

Brooke doesn’t really like the idea because she has a PR person or someone with her anyway. Hulk says he’ll pick the right guy for the job. Brooke doesn’t want someone who is ugly. Hulk and Nick start interviewing people for the job. A variety of people show up and Hulk gets rid of most of them. He asks people how they would stop someone as big as him. A cute younger guy comes in and Brooke shows up and really likes him. He finally decides on a guy named “Big Fred”.

Brooke towers over Big Fred, and Linda and Brooke question him about things. Brooke and Hulk argue about what the bodyguard’s job will be. Brooke thinks he should only report on whether or not she’s safe and not anything else. Hulk agrees, but he’s already told Big Fred he wants hourly reports on everything Brooke does.

Big Fred shows up to take Brooke on her trip. Hulk gives him a talk about no boys, no alcohol, and checking in. Fred promises Hulk will be pleased. They head to the airport in the limo. Fred tells her how excited he is about being her bodyguard and how he’s a super funny guy, which doesn’t seem to impress Brooke all that much.

When they get to the airport, Brooke goes to the bathroom as Fred waits outside. She calls for help and then laughs as he comes in the women’s bathroom. They get to the hotel and Fred is mad he can’t stay on the same floor as Brooke. She’s happy, though, and Fred reports back to the Hulk. They go to the gym and guys start hitting on her left and right which makes Fred interrupt a lot. Brooke assures him it’s okay as she hugs some of her fans. She then goes to the tanning place, and Fred is not allowed in there, so he calls Hulk. He knows he’s irritating Brooke.

They get back to the hotel and Brooke starts getting ready for her show. She gets more and more upset as he keeps following her everywhere. They head to a radio station to debut her new single. The DJ talks about the bodyguard and invite him into the studio. He sits on one of the guys for some reason. Brooke complains again when Fred leaves that she can’t shake him and the DJ tells her she should tell her dad he’s hitting on her and he’d be gone. She thinks that’s brilliant and decides that is what she will do.

They head over to do Wild N Out for MTV. Fred stands nearby as she greets fans outside and keeps asking her to get in the limo. Brooke calls her dad and makes up stories about what a great time she’s having with Fred and how they are going out to dinner and stuff and how he really likes her. Hulk is silent on the other end. After Brooke hangs up, she hopes that he gets fired.

They come back home holding hands and Hulk interrogates him as Linda gets his check. After Fred leaves, Hulk decides he needs to get rid of Fred because Brooke has won him over and made him goo goo eyed. Linda wrinkles her nose at the thought of them as a couple.

Hulk joins his family at the table and tells them Fred is gone. Brooke is excited and thinks she’ll get to go on the road alone. Of course, that’s not the case, and her new bodyguard is right outside. This time it’s a woman who is a master at martial arts. Everyone seems happy with this arrangement.

Scott Baio–

Previously, Scott broke up with Renee and found out he has to apologize to old girlfriends. He realizes it makes him feel better to do so.

This week we start out at the week 4 meeting with Doc Ali. She asks what his type is and he says he doesn’t have one and that he’s dated all kinds of women. Doc Ali pulls out pictures of his ex girlfriends to make him realize there are similarities. He admits they are all beautiful and nearly flawless. Doc Ali tells him he picked the same woman over and over again because he’s insecure. He goes on about imperfect teeth and a big rack while being maternal is his preferences. Scott says he’s afraid of death and if he never gets married he will never die. She decides to set Scott up with a matchmaker system to find his perfect match. He balks because he has to be celibate, but they are going to set him up with his perfect match. She wants to see if he can connect with a woman that isn’t based on sex or conquering.

Scott goes to the office of the matchmakers, dragging Johnny V along with him. Johnny wants to look at a book of pictures, but they don’t have any. The matchmakers tell him to sit down and shut up while they take Scott to be evaluated. They claim they’ve gotten 500 couples married with only 2 divorces. Ava tells him she learned English from his show. They want to know his preferred personality, yet they end up talking about checking big boobs. They finally get down to it and get some useful information out of him and he is interested to see who they pick for him.

Scott goes to talk with Nicole Eggert, his Charles in Charge co-star, who may just be the only Playboy and Baywatch girl he never dated. She asks him about someone named Bridget who he doesn’t remember but she does. She tells him all the girls he dated were the same. She tells him that he’d use the Playboy magazine like a Sears catalog and whoever he picked would show up the next day. Nicole tries to tell him that perfect doesn’t exist and it would be boring if it did. He tells her their talk was very helpful.

Scott invites the guys over for some poker that night to get his mind off his flaws. Jason brings along an outside friend who waves around $20,000 at the table. They kid he should have gotten in on the celibacy bet. Johnny says he’s going to make sure Scott doesn’t make it to the 4 week mark. Scott tells the guys about his matchmaking session.

Someone knocks on the door and Johnny answers it to find a blonde stripper with a pizza. She grabs Scott and starts the stripping and lap dancing. He takes her to another room and Johnny promises the girl will be paid handsomely. They close the door and make the cameras stay outside. He still has his microphone on, though, and he tells her that she’s beautiful and nice, but he can’t do it, so he gives her a couple hundred dollars to leave. Scott tells her to make her mother proud and go home. He also makes Johnny go outside to talk to her, refusing to let her in the house anymore.

The guys continue the game and are upset there was no real pizza in the box. Scott decided he didn’t want Johnny in his house anymore. However, he brings Johnny with him on his date with his “perfect match” in case she looks like Rosie O’Donnell. When he sees her come across the room and she’s hot, he makes Johnny leave. She didn’t realize when she was set up with “Scott” that it’s “Scott Baio”. Her name is Julie and she says it’s her first blind date. They make some small talk and she tells him she is illustrating some children’s books. She admits she likes Italian Brooklyn boys. Scott starts finding flaws immediately. Her boobs were too small, her teeth were too perfect, her mouth turned up at the corners, and she had ape hands. He realizes what he’s doing and decides to leave right then. He can’t stop thinking of Renee and realizes she’s the reason he has kept the celibacy vow. He gets a voicemail message from Renee who says her daughter will be in town and she wants Scott to meet her.

Next week, Doc Ali gives him permission to meet Renee’s 17 year old daughter and he does and gets the third degree.